As women most of us, unfortunately, will admit to having a ‘love-hate’ relationship with our bodies over our lifetime. And this happens to women of all shapes & sizes, not limited to mothers specifically. But today I want to focus specifically on us moms.
We receive shame from society or online but also from within. An internal chipping away of our own outer representation. It’s like we forget the incredibly feat we’ve just accomplished in childbirth and/or raising a baby, no matter how old your child may be.
So we are constantly battling:
Critique from others
Self shaming pre and post pregnancy
Comparison of our physical journey
It’s like if the one thing isn’t an issue then something else will creep up and into the mix.
Obviously, I’m going to say that no one has any right to comment on or judge a mothers physical appearance. Whether that be while she is pregnant or after birth.
Questions like:
“are your feet sore, they look so swollen?” and
“how long do you think you’ll still look pregnant for?”
are not things that uplift us as moms, nor do they make us feel good in any way!
While they may seem like harmless questions, they can sometimes make a profound impact emotionally. Often even long term. My biggest insecurity while pregnant was the fact that my face was so swollen and round. Obviously due to water retention. I felt huge because my face was so round, and it was something that people unfortunately felt the need to constantly point out. It was horrible.
Similarly, please understand that everyone’s recovery time is DIFFERENT. There are so many factors involved. Whether this is your first child or not, how you carried, your method of birth (C-sec or natural), whether you exercised leading up to your pregnancy, genetics!!! Every single body is different, so while we are saying don’t shame moms that struggle loose the weight after childbirth, lets also discuss the other end. Don’t shame moms that do loose it quickly due to personal fitness or lucky genetics. Sometimes they too can often feel shameful and shy by the fact that they lost their baby weight quickly. Honestly, I was nervous as HELL to post a picture of my postpartum body, because people can be so judgerig (Afrikaans slang for judge-y).
But this is my body and I'm so freakkin proud that it created my beautiful little Tayo!
I’m not at all saying this to sound like a victim, “poor skinny white girl that lost all her baby weight”, NOOOO!!! But in this day and age we have this amazing ability to build each other up through multiple online platforms. Learn to love yourself regardless of where you are in your recovery and then you will be able to pass that love and light onto your village with ease!
I LOVE building other moms up now that I know challenging this journey can be.
Self shaming stems from our obvious lack of self love. We have millions of hormones coursing through our bodies during and after pregnancy. And this new fad of being fit and beautiful as soon as you pop out a baby is just so stupid! Those celebs and influencers that you are comparing yourself to (local or international) have nannies, au pairs, night nurses, personal trainers, chefs, drivers, the list goes on. But they have people to take the pressure off so that they can use the time to focus on themselves. This is not the case for majority of us. We are in the trenches figuring it all out as we go. So take it easy on yourself and remember that you are a freakkin rockstar for bringing a whole human into this world! This also speaks to that third battle of comparison.
The photos below are real and raw and not so pretty. Because thats what postpartum is 90% of the time. Looking a mess, carrying extra weight for a while, having breastmilk and spit up on you.
I have recently done 2 short courses that include tackling limiting beliefs. Identifying the negative thoughts that creep in that limit your progress. So lets focus on one way that we can actively start claiming positive affirmations about our bodies as the incredible, powerful vessels that they are created to be.
Affirmations! Now, before you run away, affirmations are simply verbal insights to remind yourself how you want to feel about your body.
Examples of daily affirmations:
I am a blessing to my family
I am a beautiful woman and role model for my children
I love my body and my body loves me
My body created my beautiful children
This body was created especially for me
I am enough
I choose to love my flaws today
I’m doing a stunning job
I release judgement and embrace the present moment
My own needs are important
These affirmations, and others similar, can be found on online here if you want to add to or change the above list for yourself.
Daily affirmations can be so powerful in attracting the positivity that you may feel is currently lacking. When I first tried it, I admittedly felt stupid, but the more you say these things to yourself, the more you will start to believe them! The mind can be a very powerful tool.
3 steps to start the journey:
1.Give yourself time. Be patient with yourself.
2.Try to change your thoughts about your body (positive affirmations,etc.)
3.Start small, when you are ready. One step forward is better than staying in the same spot forever.
Don’t ever forget what your body as woman was created to do. And certainly don’t let anyone make you feel less than just because you don’t fit into their box of how you should look physically. People can be small minded and insensitive, that doesn’t mean we have to just accept their ignorance.
If you're ever having a bleh week and you feel crappy about yourself, pop me a message. I like to think that I am a qualified hype girl and I will lovingly remind you of your beauty and power!
Lastly, I’d love for you to go read “Open Letter To a Mom Whose Been Body Shamed” - Author Unknown. This post is so beautiful and speaks to all the things we as moms have in common.
Short and sweet this week, but hopefully still impactful!
More momsplaining next week…
Important note: I am not a qualified doctor, nor am I a professional in any of the topics discussed on this blog. The topics above are purely opinions based on my own real life experiences.
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