Lately I have found myself just looking at my beautiful little boy and getting rather nostalgic about these first 11 odd months that have shaped him into the little energiser bunny he is now. As he is about to turn1 year old I can’t help but feel overly emotional when he gives me a little hug, or when he complies with my request for a kiss. No lie, I’ve legitimately teared up rocking him before nap time just thinking about how much is change the next few months will bring to both of our lives.
Thinking back on how much development and learning takes place for both mommy& baby in the first year, I am actually in awe. A new born baby is thrust into your arms and somehow you learn to teach them everything they need to know. It’s insanity really because people refuse to give a job to someone who hasn’t studied for 3+ years, yet God trusts us, unqualified, no prior experience, with a whole human.
Being with a friend of mine who recently gave birth had all those new born feelings and anxiety come flooding back. I remember being utterly exhausted after just 2 days of motherhood that I asked a nurse to please take my screaming child for 2 hours before his next feed, so I could rest a bit. That was also the first time I felt guilt. Guilt that I had to give my baby away already after only having him 2 days. But looking at it now I realise it was the best decision to ask for the help. I was in hospital alone during a Worldwide Pandemic, and couldn’t have couldn’t have anyone with me between 8pm and 8am.
The first month was a blur of extreme emotions, copious amounts of water, salt baths, physical healing, leaky boobs, mustard color poop, tears (there were lots of tears) and sleeplessness. It feels like it’s never going to end when you’re in that first 4-6 weeks.
I mean, there’s a reason why its labelled the fourth trimester. I remember one day sitting in front of the window in a complete haze of exhaustion after I had finally got Tayo to sleep. I had so many things to get done in that 45min window but instead I just sat, staring out into the garden. I remember thinking how full on motherhood is. I understood in that moment why the lives of those young girls on “16 and Pregnant" seemed like such an upside down mess.
When Tayos was only 3 weeks old we had to stand outside Home Affairs in the city to get his birth certificate. Our ‘outings’ were walks in the garden, and we spent 80% of our time in the room, on the bed napping and feeding. The routine was nappy, breastfeed, sleep. Nappy, breastfeed, sleep. Over and over until I eventually forgot what day of the week it was. We had planned on doing a 1 Month photoshoot with Michelle , the same photographer that did my maternity shoot. but unfortunately she fell and hurt her ankle. Being almost 14 weeks pregnant with twins at that stage meant no work for her, which I completely understood. So we did an impromptu photoshoot with my iPhone. Family photos, solo shots. And I’m so glad we did
Month 2 brought about a bit more structure, or so I thought. I kind of wish I’d started writing when Tayo was born, that way I’d be able to go back and remember all the details. I didn’t know this then, but structure/routine is not a real thing when it comes to newborns. There are of course exceptions to the rule, but I can confidently say we were NOT one of them. So as soon as I thought there was some sort of routine, something to rely on and structure my day around, things changed. It’s not a bad reflection on my child, just the reality that the routine was ever changing, never stagnant. Which is completely normal. This was also the time that we started travelling between Granny & Grandpa’s house and Daddy’s House. I wanted to be near my mom while Tayo was still tiny, which was 100% the best decision ever. I don’t think I would have managed without the help! But anytime we had to pack up & move again it felt like I was taking EVERYTHING with me. It added to the exhaustion, but it also meant we could work on being a family.
I also started including a glass of wine once or twice a week while still breastfeeding. That first drop tasted like an angel pee’d on my tongue… Plenty of chest naps still and he was yet to enjoy the bath. He’d scream every day at bath time.
We had our first Christmas together, COVID style, which he mostly slept through.
We went away with the family to Herman. Which turned out to be in the middle of nowhere-land. And admittedly, if I’d known exactly where we would be we probably wouldn’t have gone. But only because my mom anxiety would have been through the roof trying to figure out all the logistics of how we would do anything with a newborn. It sounds silly now but as a first timer you just don’t want to mess anything up. I still thought he looked so big back then, and now I look at the photos and he is absolutely minute! When Tayo was only 5 weeks old he went for his first swim lesson. I think he enjoyed being in the water but anything involving being on his back, not so much.
By the time he turned 3 months he and our Pomeranian, Chappie, started forming the sweetest bond. Chappie would always run up to Tayo’s pram if he started moaning and would lay next to him (or onto of him) while he was under his activity mobile. We did a fun outing to the aquarium, which Tayo was fully asleep for… By 3 months Tayo was a champ at tummy time and spent a lot of it on his activity mat or on the bed. We were able to start propping him up between two pillows to sit and have a look at what was going on. He started getting so inquisitive and I could see his little mind just working all the time. He FINALLY started enjoying his baths and the smiles were non stop! So many people comment on how happy and friendly he is and even ask me if he ever cries…. Oh, he cries alright.
But he also became a chatter box, talking to all of his toys. We went away for my sisters Birthday and I decided to use some of my frozen breastmilk so that I could have a few drinks and enjoy myself. This was the first time we’d done this and I can tell you now, it wasn’t even worth it. Waking up 3 times that night to defrost and warm up milk for Tayo was EXHAUSTING! He’d wake up crying and Daddy Tayo would have to rock him to try and calm him while I quickly ran to get his bottle ready. Way more stress than what those few drinks were worth! I decided that night I wouldn’t do it again until after he was off the boob. I can’t even explain in words how much easier it is to just pop them on the boob at night. So worth all the stress that breastfeeding can cause for you as a mom.
The 3 month mark was also when all the saliva started. And it never stopped! I’ve never seen so much liquid come out of such a tiny body! We were changing his bibs up to 6 times a day.
When he was 4 months old we started him on solids. At first only sweet potato & butternut puree. He took to it quite well actually. We were advised that introducing solids at 4 months helps prevent picky eaters and choking. Not sure how true that is, but it’s working so far for us. Tayo eats everything! We also started using his high chair to feed him, which he seemed to disappear in back then. It was so cute. He started getting really strong trying to lift himself up when he was on his changing mat. He’d do little sit ups, lifting his head & shoulders up, to see what was going on around him. His dad would then hold his feet and count as if they were working abs at the gym! At 4 months he was spending a lot of time on his play mat and was quite happy doing tummy time for up to 30mins. No rolling yet, but gaining strength every day.
Easter was a very special time with the family and Mommy and Tayo did their first outing to church! He started wanting to sit up more and more. He wasn’t completely stable just yet so we had pillows at his sides to provide some support but he was sitting!
Another big moment for me was the realisation that he was no longer a newborn baby. I’m not sure why exactly but something changed and Tayo just seemed like he was getting so much more independent and not at all like the fragile little baby I brought home from the hospital a few months back.
Just before Tayo turned 5 months old we went for lunch in Camps Bay. I remember seeing another couple sit down next to us with their 9 1/2 month old son, who was literally crawling like The Flash. He didn’t want to sit still. We were laughing and joking with them about how we couldn’t wait until Tayo hit that milestone… Haha, we had no idea.
Tayo suddenly started rolling out of his tummy position onto his back and then would get really irritated because he didn’t know how to get back. We introduced a variety of veggies (all still pureed) and even got him to try some mashed banana and avo. A big hit! He didn’t have to lie down in the bath anymore and was WAY more pleasant when it came time for the car seat.
We even made a special day trip out to Tulbagh for him to meet his Nana on the farm. Both Tayo and Mommy were slowly getting more comfortable with travelling around and doing sleepovers with my Grandmother. They have such a sweet relationship.
My first Mother’s Day came around and I remember feeling like my heart was going to explode! Just knowing that I was this little persons whole world, suddenly made my purpose that much clearer, and that much more validating.
We bought a bigger pay mat for him, because the small just didn’t cut it and he started learning to move himself around. Turning slowly, using his arms and moving backwards a lot in the beginning. He started with the “dadada” sound but didn’t associate the name with Daddy yet.
Six months was a big one. There was so many things going on, both in our lives in general and when it came to Tayo’s development. He realised his feet went all the way to his mouth, he was sitting up unassisted, we started a bit of baby led weaning in-between his purees, he tried sweet potato fries for the first time (which is now his and his Dad’s favourite) and the beginning of our crawling era appeared. At first it was the ‘army crawl’, as I call it. Pulling himself forward with his arms. Then we were at a play date and he suddenly learnt how to pull himself up onto all fours. He had no idea what to do there yet, but he looked so chuffed that he got there! We could finally start ordering him food when he went out with us, not having to pack multitudes of things into the nappy bag for every outing. He got his first little musical instrument, a piano, which he became obsessed with for months. One of his favourite snacks was fried & softened apples with a little bit of butter and cinnamon for extra yumminess.
We were invited to a birthday dinner of a case friend and I felt we couldn’t miss out so we bathed Tayo early, got all dressed up, took along his dinner and bottle and prayed for the best. It was at a hotel restaurant so there was lots of walking space thank goodness! I think I must have walked up and down that lobby/lounge area about 50 times with his white noise playing in the pram so that he would fall asleep. Then the trick was parking him far enough so that everyones laughter wouldn’t wake him but close enough so that we’d hear him wake up. Safe to say we didn’t hear him. I vividly remember the feeling of having everyone’s eye on me and Daddy Tayo. They just stopped what they were doing and stared for what felt like 2 minutes but as more like 2 seconds. We quickly realised they were trying to communicate that our baby had woken up and was screaming. It was a heart stopping moment for me as a mom, I felt so bad!
It was also in Tayo’s 6th month that he had no interest in staying on his play mat anymore. Adventure was always beyond it in his mind. And so started mommy’s busy boy.
Tayo had his first sleepover without Mommy and Daddy with my parents at 7 months old. We went out for the night and it was so much fun! Despite COVID restrictions, and having to wake up at 2am to pump, it was a very special 30th Birthday celebration.
We were adding a variety of foods for Tayo at this stage, also testing for allergies with peanut butter, sesame, soy, etc. Everything sugar free and with as little salt as possible of course. But he loved and still loves his food. He was also allowed to start with red meat at 7 months so I added lamb & beef to his purees. Huge hit!
Our first Fathers Day say Tayo & Daddy in matching shirts. It was the cutest thing! And then our first weekend away in Hermanus which is where I used to growing up. That was the weekend I decided to start this blog actually and I launched it with my first post, titled “Postpartum Pleasures”. I had such an overwhelming feeling of having nothing of my own. I also joined Nuskin at this time which I’ll admit can be stressful at times but gives me a sense of purpose.
We managed to twist Daddy’s arm and get Tayo the ultimate kids play pen. And that freed up Mommy’s time quite bit because it gave him a stimulating safe space to explore and play. I still believe that the play pen is one of the reasons he has developed so well. It taught him to pull himself up, because he wanted to see what was going on. It also taught him independent play. I could leave him there sometimes for up to an hour, happily playing with his toys. If you're in South Africa and are interested in a truly amazing play pen, DM me on instagram.
Just before the 8 month mark he started playing hide and seek. We would say “where’s Tayo” and he’d cover his face (mostly his mouth) with a blanket or something and then suddenly take it off as we’d say “Boooo!”. He loved it and picked it up so quickly! At some point he started crawling on all fours. Although when he got lazy he’d go back to his stomach crawling, so we tried to make it as fun as possible so he’d build up strength. It’s really just amazing how they learn to do certain things without having to be told or shown. Its incredibly really.
His favourite things to eat at this age was a chicken leg. I’d boil them for him with a bit of masala spice, pinch of salt, and some thyme and herbs. After removing the cartilage and tiny bone he’d munch away at the meat. Great for teething!!!
The confidence came in hot once we got to 8 months. He figured okay well I can now babble, smile, sit and crawl by myself. I think I’ll try the stairs. Once again he figured it out without my help and that meant mommy needed to suddenly be ALOT more vigilant. We started making regular trips to the park to play a bit before dinner, on the warmer winter days. I realised that my child is 100% a nature lover. He LOVES being outside so I can’t wait to see how that unfolds. Daddy/Son hiking maybe? Or even golf with Grandpa one day...
The 9 months vaccinations hit us hard, or so we thought. He never really struggled with any side effects from any of his previous vaccinations. Yes, they made him a little sleepy, but nothing major. He had his vaccination on a Tuesday and woke up the next morning with a fever of 38 degrees. Remember that every baby’s first is also Mommy’s first. I was worried of course but gave him medication to get the fever down because I assumed it was due to the vaccination. The fever kept returning and so by Thursday afternoon I contacted the nurse and asked her opinion. She mentioned that because the last vaccine was the last round of three that he’d had prior, without any side effects, it was most likely not the vaccine causing the fever. That day my mom (who we’d seen over the weekend) tested positive for COVID and a few days later both Daddy Tayo and I also tested positive. We managed to avoid it for ages and were super careful in a lot of ways. But I knew it was bound to happen at some point. I was just so glad that it was when he was a big older and stronger. So non stop fever broke after 3 days and on top of being sick we had a very unhappy little guy.
But despite the rocky start to our 9th month, he was pulling himself up at the coffee table, doing laps around it on his tippy toes and starting to understand a lot more of our communication with him.
By the time Tayo was 10 months old his Dad started “training” as he called it. Which essentially just entailed having Tayo stand on the counter and see how long he could balance by himself without assistance. Admittedly it’s probably part of the reason he’s walking around in front of me right now. Anytime we’d go anywhere he no longer wanted to sit with us, had to be on the grass or on the floor exploring. Thank goodness for baby chairs at restaurants. But in the same breath I don’t trust that they are cleaned and sanitised properly after each person so It’s a little tedious spraying and wiping it down myself.
We found a really cool YouTube channel called ‘So Kids TV’ that had traditional Yoruba kids songs translated into English, as well as the alphabet. Tayo absolutely loves when its on, plus it helps Mommy to learn some Yoruba in a fun way too.
This was also round about when the unpacking started. Drawers, cupboards, boxes, handbags, anything he could get to. I even found him IN the Tupperware cupboard one day… Their minds are just so inquisitive at this age, they just want to be part of everything. He even started picking up his water cup and drinking himself. Usually I would have to hold it for him. Little things like that make the biggest difference. Being able to just give your child their water cup and they drink it themselves is such a victory for a mom. It’s the small things…
It was so great that things were finally stating to feel a bit more normal. When your child doesn’t seem so fragile and vulnerable then you, as a mom, feel a little more adventurous. We started going to the park and organising proper play dates with his bestie Aaron, who was born exactly a week before Tayo. Once the 11 month mark came I noticed him doing ‘toddler’ things. Things like spreading himself out on the floor on his stomach just to chill there, moving around on the bed in the morning while drinking his bottle, bending on all fours to to see if his ball was possibly hiding under the couch, and of course the TV remotes became an obsession of note! He started doing typical boy things as well that left me at a loss for words.
And now here we are heading towards the 1 year milestone and it kind of feels like a pat on the back as a parent. We made it, Tayo made it. He’s alive, healthy, happy (for the most part), still growing and eating and walking and talking. Yes, he’s walking! So many people told me ‘He’ll be walking by his 1st Birthday’, but I didn’t really believe them. Tayo is definitely a strong little guy, but I wasn’t sure he was ready for that yet. I just kind of trusted that he’d do it in his own time, like all kids do. Evidently, we opened a wooden trolley thing with blocks in it that my Gran (his great grandmother) gave him for his birthday. We opened it early and the day he started using that we noticed a huge confidence boost! Yesterday he was walking the same amount as he was crawling. I’m currently typing this with one hand and trying to keep my cool as he cries and moans for more banana. My other hand is rubbing his back while relays his head on my thigh. Sometimes he’s a big of a drama lama. And he seems to be overtired a lot lately. I can only imagine it’s the quality of his sleep at night due to teething or something. Man, Motherhood tests ALL your limits, hey.
To those who have just started the journey, I wish you all the absolute best! Even if we don’t know each other well I am always available as a listening ear. To those who have been where I am now, bless you! Haha… No honestly I say this all the time but being a mom is the most selfless role in your life! Its exhausting and rewarding and frustrating and joyous all at the same time.
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More momsplaining next week…
Important note: I am not a professional in any of the topics discussed on this blog. The topics above are purely opinions based on my own real life experiences.
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