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Mom Guilt

Writer's picture: Monique WykMonique Wyk

Guilt, simply put, is when you believe (or are made to believe) that you have done something that goes against your, or societies, moral code. According to Wikipedia. Also associated with feelings of shame, remorse and regret.


This post won’t be long at all because this topic doesn’t need 100,000 words as the concept itself is quite simple. Mom guilt can be internal, but it can also be caused by external people or situations.


Please I’m asking so nicely, STOP MAKING MOTHERS SECOND GUESS THEIR DECISIONS FOR THEIR CHILDREN.


This is something that I’ve really had on my heart to speak about, but that I had no idea how to approach. Thank GOODNESS I’ve made it a point to say it like it is on this blog. And this is something I've experienced a lot of this week. But unless a mother is declared unstable, don’t feel it is your right to express your opinion on their decisions regarding their children. I am not singling out everyone who does not have children, because shockingly other moms do this too!!!

I would really like to just try and give a little insight of how much it affects a mom when someone makes them question their decisions. Be it a sleep method, a meal, a shoe colour or how to wipe their ass. I can assure you that, as a mother, you’ve put careful thought and consideration into everything you’re doing for your child. In fact you’ve probably second guessed yourself and made a pro’s and con’s list in your head to make sure that what you’ve decided is the best thing. If you absolutely cannot hold your tongue then rather say it to yourself around the corner, out of earshot. Then we can at least pretend we don’t see your disapproval and it makes it easier to carry on with life. That was supposed to be humorous, but I’d honestly prefer it done that way rather than feeling like I have to defend and justify myself.


(Insert completely unrelated but super cute photo of my baby)

I’m not one for my 8 month old watching TV but if some other mom wants to do it, so be it! That’s what works for them. If you want to be around your friend/ sister/ daughter/ niece who has kids, then respect the guidelines they’ve put in place while for their children. You won’t always like it, you won’t always agree but one day, when you have your own kids, you’ll wish that everyone around you afforded you the same respect. If you already have your own kids and are still very “judgerig” (judgey in Afrikaans) well then that’s why I don’t keep people like that in my life. Don’t be surprised if those friends don’t want to hang around you much. Harsh, but true.




Be warned that one of two things will happen. Either that mom will go on the defensive or she will keep quite and won’t make much effort with you. The defensiveness is more often than not the reaction you will get though. People are always taken aback by this. But in reality you don’t know whether she’s just been up every hour of the night before with a restless baby, or dealing with a crying, whining baby all morning. You don’t know what has led up to that moment when you say something insensitive that just sends her over the top. You may not think that what you’re saying is insensitive but being a mom is a truly personal title. Everything is done out of love and done from the heart so even the smallest things that cause doubt can throw you off balance.

I reckon that moms who criticise other moms are a special breed hey. Probably quite insecure about their own decisions and therefore feel the need to put everyone else down so that their actions are justified. STOP IT! Stop that nonsense… Motherhood is lonely enough as it is, we do everything with our child in mind. E-VE-RY-THNG! So go and be insecure somewhere else, find a support group, have a quite moment of reflection. Just take the negativity elsewhere.







Now we get to the guilt that we, as moms, put on ourselves.

To all the moms reading this, repeat after me:


“I deserve time for myself. I can have things that make me happy outside of my child. Wanting time and energy for me does NOT make me a bad mom.”


These are the kinds of affirmations we need to be repeating to ourselves when we take an extra 10mins in the toilet while baby is playing with Daddy. If that hasn’t yet happened, trust me it will. And you are not always going to make the right decisions, but you will naturally and instinctively make an informed one. And that in itself means that you’re the best mom because you’ve put your child first in considering whats best for him/ her.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned since becoming a mom is to trust my gut! People talk about your instincts kicking in and honestly I thought 'they' were high on something at first. But for me it proved true in the little things.


Does he need medicine.

Is he in pain.

Should I change his nappy now or wait an extra 30mins.

Does bedtime need to be earlier tonight.

Is he tired enough for a third nap.


The times I didn’t listen to my gut, I always ended up wishing I had. Why am I going on about gut instinct? Because its a powerful thing. It’s an extension of the unique bond between you and your child/ children. So whatever your choices are as a mother, they are the right choices.

...Rant over!






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