All cards on the table, my pregnancy was not a planned one. For those of you reading that know me personally, you’re probably all like “shocker, duh we knew that!”. I mean I'm not gong to go into the specifics of the mechanics but it happened and he's here now.
I don't like to refer to my son as a mistake, I corrected that wording very quickly from early on. He was nor will he ever be a mistake, but planned, he most certainly was not. Just like any child, I cannot imagine life without him in it.
Planned or not I knew, standing in Pick n Pay’s disabled toilet, Clear Blue in hand, with my best friend next to me, that there was no way I wasn’t going through with that pregnancy. I’m not ashamed of how it happened, although there were many factors that made me feel that way in the first few months. Coming from a very strong Christian faith background and upbringing, it was by far the most difficult news I’ve ever had to break to my parents. 29 years old or not! Most of my close family members reacted just as I had expected. It was a big shock to everyone, including me! So from the get go my pregnancy was never what I’d envisioned with my first born. HOWEVER (cue sappy love back up) Tayo is the best thing in mine and his Dad’s life, hands down!
I’d known Daddy Tayo for a grand total of 2 months before I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t stutter, you heard me… 2 months from the day we first met to the day I told him “hey btw I’m carrying your baby”. Jokes aside though he reacted in the most supportive and lovely way. The shock factor was still huge for both of us, obviously. I remember not even being able to reach him on the phone that day to tell him properly. My heart was racing and I was so scared. So I sent him a picture of my pregnancy test. Poor guy must have had a heart attack when he opened that message! I couldn’t see him until later that evening, because I was at work until 6pm. But he came to pick me up straight after work. We went for a drive and chatted. His words were “whatever you decide, I will support you”. No pressure whatsoever, no anger or finger pointing, just love and support. And as time has gone by I sometimes think back to that night, when we sat in the car discussing the future of our baby, and I feel incredibly blessed knowing we have stood by each other and grown together through everything.
And they all lived happily ever after! Haha just kidding, there was a moment. But genuinely the things that counted really just worked themselves out as time went on.
We made an appointment at a Women’s Clinic when we thought I would be roughly 4 weeks along to confirm the pregnancy and see if we could see anything on a scan. Not knowing anything about pregnancy we were told that the baby was waaaay too small to be seen properly, but the pregnancy was confirmed and seemed to be inside my womb and so on.
Of course then South Africa went into major lockdown about 3 weeks after we discovered I was pregnant. I stayed with my parents during lockdown and so Daddy Tayo and I didn’t see each other for just about as long as we’d known each other! 2 months, it was terrible and seriously trying for a very very fresh relationship. Even once lockdown lifted, all the restrictions for visiting made it quite difficult. Sorry I’ve spoken quite a lot about the emotional stuff around my pregnancy up until now, but I’m writing it as I remember it. These are the things that affected me most at the time.
Knowing which hospital I wanted to deliver my baby at I contacted my Medical Aid to find out which OBGYN’s were registered with them. Only 1 male doctor, so my options were limited.
Ie. zero choice in the matter. I recollect sitting and jotting down notes while the secretary at my OBGYN rattled on explaining dates and scans and when I need to book what. I was only 8 weeks along at this time they told me that “Doctor is only seeing patients from 20 weeks or high risk patients" because of the COVID restrictions. I had to go to another Gyne just to check that everything was healthy and that baby was doing okay for my 8, 12 and 16 week scans.
My first trimester was not an overly terrible one in terms of the pregnancy. I was working for a travel company (tough break I know right) and so we all moved our offices to a home setup. This was a Godsend as it gave me ample time to rest. My morning sickness wasn’t unbearable. Sorry to the moms who really struggle, please don’t @ me, as the youngsters are saying these days. I quickly learned that a banana first thing in the morning, a decent sized breakfast and then regular meals throughout the day would keep the morning sickness at bay. (For anyone who picked up that rhyme, I’m pretty chuffed.) The one morning I had my banana as usual and then I made myself a bowl of my all time favourite chocolate Pronutro (flavoured porridge). I had this on the daily for breakfast before I fell pregnant. Suddenly, one mouthful in, fetus Tayo decided it wasn’t for him and I got a HUGE wave of nausea. I never threw up during my pregnancy, but that was a super close call honestly. To this day I have not touched chocolate Pronutro again. We have now both graduated to the Plain flavour, and love it! So although my nausea wasn’t major during my first trimester, I still had to monitor it otherwise I would start to feel really sick if my blood sugar levels dropped. That’s all it is at the end of the day, a drop in blood pressure. Mainly because your body is pumping pretty much all of its available energy into creating a tiny human being from a couple of DNA cells. Its quite a thought actually.
I can confidently say that I never experienced any weird cravings. I just wanted ALL the CARBS! All day every day. Bread, donuts, pies, biscuits, rusks, more bread, chips, donuts, donuts, donuts… Krispy Kreme made a fortune off poor Daddy Tayo during those 9 months.
I just had to share this photo, which I laugh so hard at looking back now. This was taken at 8 weeks and I find it so embarrassing that I honestly though this was my baby showing. No guys, it’s literally gas! (Read linked post below for more info) I was so proud of my ‘baby bump’ hey… Then the next day it was gone and I though okay so either my child has disappeared into my intestines or I had it wrong hahaha! So I only started showing from about 16 weeks. It was actually around my birthday last year which is pretty cool. I know some of you may look at the images and be like "where's the bump" but I didn't have a large belly until the very end so when it started growing it was very exciting for me.
(Left image: 8 weeks pregnant, Below image: 16 weeks pregnant)
This was around the point that I stopped sleeping on my stomach. I was genuinely worried about squashing him, I know better now because you realise at the end just how much actually fits into that tiny space. But I had my extra long pregnancy pillow, that we searched high & low for, so it did help quite a bit with sleeping comfortably. I struggled with adjusting to sleeping only on my sides. Sleeping on your back isn’t advised because it causes your uterus to put pressure on a major blood vessel that forms part of your spine, which can limit blood flow to your baby and cause dizziness for you. Also lying on your right hand side can have the same outcome with limiting blood flow. So safe to say I was fed up of lying on my left side most of my pregnancy.
My first little flutters happened at 18 weeks I think. I had to lay really still and concentrate on my body and breathing but it felt like little bubbles for me. These actually progressed to more prominent little kicks quite quickly from what I've heard through other moms. But then again I am somewhat biased because I honestly believe my little Tayo is the strongest, bravest thing ever!…
Can I just add here that I was never one of those moms that felt deeply involve with her child before they were born. It's a feeling I honestly cannot relate with on a logical level. That you could be in love with the fetus growing inside of you. Please don't misunderstand, I know a lot of women feel those feelings and that great, and I loved my baby to the moon and back. But in love?... I don't know. maybe I was feeling it and just didn't realise, who knows. Protective was an overwhelming feeling for me from the day I found out I was pregnant. It's quite amazing how your life shifts every single decision being made with your unborn baby in mind.
Fast forward to 20 weeks when I went for my first Fetal Scan. The most in depth scan I have ever experienced. They measured and looked at things I didn’t even know were possible. The technology that we are living with in this day and age is actually unreal! We even looked at his heart chambers and the main blood vessel thank separates them. It was kind of magical to be honest, thats the best way I can describe it. I think I was supposed to have had another one earlier on, but I missed that one somehow. We actually almost missed the 20 week appointment because my mom and I went to the offices in Pinelands instead of Blouberg. So we had 20mins to get from A to B. Never understate a hormonal woman on a mission.
By 28 weeks I was far enough along to get a 4D scan done. We were so excited to see our baby. As you can imagine we couldn’t wait to get a glimpse of what he looked like. I was really crossing my fingers that he had his Daddy’s lips, that was my one requested to the man above. Joke was on me because he came out a splitting image. Our Nanny told me just the other day she almost laughed when she saw me and Tayo. That’s how little he looks like me! I had to just laugh honestly… because I know its the truth, and I’ve made my peace with it haha!
SO! 4D scan. Oh my goodness so special. Our initial appointment Tayo was hiding. I tried jumping, I wiggled around, even tapped on my stomach go get him to wake up. The boy was sleeping so lekker! So we had to reschedule and the came back with M&M’s and Coca Cola in hand! Little bit of a sugar rush and we got to see our beautiful baby boy!
We even fitted in a Antenatal Class at the Panorama Breastfeeding Clinic when I was 32 weeks. Safe to say I was the furthest along in the class. Picture me sitting at the back of the class with my feet up because I was just that heavily pregnant. If I sighed too loud people would stress that I was going into labour. Highly recommend the class though. The info they give specifically on breastfeeding saved me so much stress. It’s hectic figuring that all out once your baby arrives. Plus we still take Tayo to the Clinic for his vaccinations.
After 32 weeks your hips get sore, your feet get sore, your legs ache, your back kills and your bladder is always needing to be emptied. But I still managed to slip in a maternity shoot that made me feel beyond fabulous and a little staycation Babymoon getaway with Daddy Tayo. It was the best weekend! Honestly there was a lot that I didn’t get to do and experience during my pregnancy. It’s quite sad thinking back, but I know there are a multitude of woman worldwide that went through the same challenges. I was however blessed to have my baby shower. I’ve never felt so loved and supported by everyone in my life. There was just so much positivity and celebration surrounding that day, I’ll never forget it. Not to mention we were using bum cream and gripe water from my gift stash for a good 4/5 months after Tayo was born!
It’ almost as if Tayo knew that once the celebrations were done it was time to start getting ready for the main act. He started moving down and my belly definitely had visibly dropped by the time 36 weeks came around. This is when I suddenly had so much swelling in my legs, ankles and feet. There was no separation, they all just melted into one another. I’ll always think of a meme I saw online - “Anything that falls on the floor after 35 weeks of pregnancy is staying there forever”. I wasn’t overly huge by the end of my pregnancy but it’s all I know, so I’d say definitely uncomfortable. Tayo quite often would wake me up at 5am and be super active, kicking and punching and just dancing around. I had a special lullaby playlist that I would play under the covers in bed. It calmed him down and allowed me to sleep. We still play that for him to this day for his daytime naps, which is quite special I think.
If you read my previous post you’ll know that I gave birth just before my 39 week mark. If not, then give it a read! Honestly though, there are just so many ins and outs of a pregnancy. So many little beautiful moments and big scary ones. I could be here for days telling you every single detail of those 9 months. I’m a pretty open book so if anyone reading this wants to know more of my story or has any questions please do send me a message on Instagram or leave a comment below.
One more top tip: Do your best to take regular Bump Pics. You'll be so glad that you did!
Important note: I am not a qualified doctor, nor am I a professional in any of the topics discussed on this blog. The topics above are purely opinions based on my own real life experiences.
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